Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
