Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
