we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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