I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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