You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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