Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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