My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
