Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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