He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We're too hungover to prance.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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