I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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