I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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