On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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