your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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