if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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