i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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