well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
