Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
