The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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