Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
