He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
