oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
