the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
