I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
