If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
