Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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