sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
