you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
