My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it's not cheating when I paid for it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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