i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
