I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
