My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
