Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize