They should really pass out barf bags in church
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
