So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
