Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
