I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
