Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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