You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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