I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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