so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
