Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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