we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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