im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
