what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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