I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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