You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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