marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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