then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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