New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
