i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
