It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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