You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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