i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
