i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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