So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
