Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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