I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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