I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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