it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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