I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
