12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
