Ketchup is God's man juice
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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