I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
