I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
