I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
