Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
