I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
