Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
