I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
