Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
