My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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