Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
