You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it was like eating out sand paper
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
