Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
