My nipple is on Facebook.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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