its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
